16
Jun
09

Roundup – Leroy Smith will Motivate Your Face

“Come get down with me.  Get ya buttcheeks hard.”

Line o’ the Day:

“We strongly feel that Sacha Baron Cohen and Universal Pictures have a responsibility to remind the viewing public right there in the theater that this is intended to expose homophobia,” said Brad Luna, a spokesman for Human Rights Campaign.

We have a right to ensure stupid people aren’t laughing at jokes for the wrong reasons!  Don’t you see? The chicken only braved the dangers of the road because she was fleeing discrimination! [Filmdrunk]

Becoming Familiar With Fiber

Grocery Store | Texas, USA

(My dad was standing in an express line at the grocery store. In front of him was a well-to-do-looking woman, who clearly had several more items than the limit.)

Dad: “You know, it’s amazing that someone who is apparently so successful can’t read.”

Woman: *in a huff* “That sign’s for regular people, not for me!”

(An old man behind my dad taps him on the shoulder.)

Old man: “Here, give her this.”

(My dad hands it to the woman.)

Woman: “What’s this?”

Old man: “Metamucil. It’ll make you regular.”

In other news:

The Secret Lives Of Customers

Electronics Store | California, USA

(I am helping a customer upgrade his cell phone, which was broken for some reason. I open the phone and set it on the counter.)

Customer: “Gosh, I don’t know why it doesn’t–hey! It looks wet in there!”

Me: “Oh? Well, it does, but the indicator says it’s not water, or at least it didn’t do any damage to the hardware.”

(The customer picks up his phone, sniffs at it, touches the liquid and TASTES it.)

Customer: “Oh! OH! The butter!”

Me: “…sir…can I ask…how did you–”

Customer: “You know, I’d rather not explain that one.”

Dwight Howard Fulfills Patrick Ewing’s legacy and other important tidbits:

Sean Payton’s XBox Movie Not Exactly Going as Planned:

Bobb’e: Actually, I think we should change the name of the movie to “Sean Payton Sucks Dick For Ramen Noodles.”

Movie exec: Not bad. Can we get a subtitle?

Bobb’e: How’s this: “Sean Payton Sucks Dick For Ramen Noodles: Shrimp Flavor”?

If It Looks Like a Bull, Walks Like a Bull, Acts Like a Bull…

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