30
Jun
09

Roundup – Tairy Greene

Vodpod videos no longer available.

“You’re not a person if you’re not acting!”

The Best of Zach Galifianakis on Tim and Eric.

Line o’ the Day:

“‘Despite negative reviews, more than 90% of those polled as they left theaters said the [Transformers’] sequel was as good as, or better than, the first.’  I find that poll hard to believe, but knowing the audience for this film I’m not sure those polled were capable of understanding the question.” [Filmdrunk]

The Offend-O-Bot 3000 Strikes Again

Car Wash | Orlando, FL, USA

(An old man walks into the lobby.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing?”

Customer: “Everyone I can.”

Me: “…”

(The customer pulls out a cigar, lights it, then ashes it on the counter.)

Me: “You can’t smoke a cigar in here.”

Customer: “That’s what she said.”

Me: “…”

Deadspin

Bloomberg

NEWISCANE:

Definitely Not In The Job Description

Pizza Delivery | Chilliwack, BC, Canada

Me: “Thanks for calling [pizza place]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like…” *places order as usual*

Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: “Yes! When the driver arrives, could you tell him these instructions?”

Me: “Okay. I’ll be your driver, by the way.”

Caller: “Alright. First, I want you to knock on the window 3 times, then yell like a Wookie. Then knock 2 more times and make alien noises.”

Me: “Alien…noises?”

Caller: “You know the ‘click’ and stuff. Like in the movie…uhh, what movie is that again?”

Me: “You mean Signs?”

Caller: “Yeah! That’s the one. Okay, so after you does that, knock three more times and then yell, ‘PLANKTON!’”

Me: “Anything else?”

Caller: “Oh yeah, do you have any lingerie?”

Me: “Not on me…”

Caller: “Oh, well you should drive home and then find some, and wear that to the door.”

Me: “Okay, is that all, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yeah, but don’t forget the lingerie!”

(I decide to go along with the caller’s request, put on some shorts, and roll the legs up so it’s similar to a Speedo. Half an hour later, I arrive at their door. The entire party comes outside to watch my show of knocks and clicks, and then poses with me to take pictures. I got a $15 tip, too!)

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