Archive for April, 2010

26
Apr
10

Roundup – BETWEEN

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Line O’ the Day:

“My friend went to Japan last week for work. He ate dinner with a Japanese translator. The waiter put something down on his plate. He ate the object, which was very good. He asked the translator what it was he just ate. The translator says, ‘I can’t really explain what you just ate in English.’

“What the fuck could this dude have eaten that a professional translator couldn’t even communicate it to him? ‘Well, we start with an ostrich. Then we have a buffalo jizz on its face. Then we feed it miso paste…'” – Big Daddy Drew, Because Prime Time is Where the Motherfucking Draft Belongs. Your 2010 NFL Draft Jamboroo [Deadspin]

Best of the Best:

The Remains:

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21
Apr
10

Roundup – End of the World

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Line O the Day:

“Baseball desperately needs customized batting helmets. Why the fuck not? They already slather those things with buckets of pine tar, tobacco juice, sunflower seed husks, and used Dominican TP anyway (yaki yaki!). They look like shit. Maybe if you let players paint a golden skull on their own helmet, they wouldn’t be so quick to tar them with their own feces. And it’s not like in football, where the helmet plays crucial role in identifying an opponent. Helmet or not, you know damn well who’s playing for whom on the baseball field. The guy batting. The guy leading off from first and not wearing a fielding glove. Those guys are quite obviously NOT on the defense. I say, let those fuckers paint a big-titted chick on a Harley on their helmets if they please. And if you get a tard player like John Olerud who has to wear a hard fielding hat, I say let him paint that too. He’s special like that.” – Big Daddy Drew, Bogus Rumors About Entourage Douches that We’ll Choose to Believe Anyway [Deadspin]

Best of the Best:

The Remains:

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08
Apr
10

Roundup – DAR

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Line O’ the Day:

“REX RYAN: God damn right you are. You are the fucking nightmare of this earth. You were brought here to bring everyone to their fucking KNEES, especially the ladies. Now, I want you to stop thinking about your wife, and your kids, and fucking Gatorade or whatever business bullshit that is. None of it matters. All that matters is that you fucking KILL, and that you get the satisfaction you know you want. You are going to fucking win this tournament, AND THEN WE’RE ALL GOING OUT FOR PULLED PORK AND PULLED PUSSY!” – Big Daddy Drew, Tiger Woods Gets a Little Extra Motivation [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Best of the Best:

The Remains:

Vodpod videos no longer available.
02
Apr
10

Roundup – Spring Break is Dead

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Line O’ the Day:

Ford said one of his happiest childhood memories was attending a summer camp led by the hockey great Gordie Howe in suburban Detroit. Ford, then 8, wanted to show Howe — his hockey idol — his work ethic and toughness.

He spotted Howe and put his head down to skate hard.

“My heart just jumped,” Ford said of first seeing Howe. “The next thing I know, I was slammed. I’ve never been hit so hard in my life. I’m lying in this heap, and it’s Gordie looking down at me.

“He says, ‘Son, always skate with your head up.’ I was so honored to have been checked by Gordie Howe. That was the coolest thing that ever happened to me.” – Joanne C. Gerstner, Scions of Detroit Families Share Hockey Passion [New York Times]

Best of the Best:

The Remains:

Santa Baby

Daycare | United Kingdom

(I am a supervisor in a daycare. It is Christmas Eve and a child’s mother has arrived to pick him up.)

Mother: “So, is it okay if I send in his presents with him tomorrow so he can open them here?”

Me: “Tomorrow? It’s Christmas Day tomorrow…we’ll be closed.”

Mother: “What? You’re closed tomorrow? But what am I supposed to do with my kid?”

Me: “Oh, do you have to work tomorrow? That’s unfortunate.”

Mother: “Work tomorrow? No, I booked it off a long time ago. Why are you closed tomorrow? You’re always open!”

Me: “Christmas Day is the only day we’re closed all year.”

Mother: “Well I don’t want him under my feet on Christmas!”

Me: “Um…”

Mother: “You don’t want to baby-sit, do you?”




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